Demons
by Fading Into Darkness
Summary: Helena thinks about the death of her mother and the demons they all face. [one-shot]


Authors Note: This is an addition (not a sequel) to my fic "Musings of An Oracle", this time from Helena's perspective.

**Demons**

We've all got our demons, some more invisible than others. Demons that taunt us in every waking moment....only to follow us into our dreams. Dreams that turn into horrible nightmares. Nightmares that leave us colder by the day.

I suppose in this line of business it's the rule not the exception.

We all have our scars. Inside and out.

All I have to do is look in the mirror to see mine. A vague reflection of the person the was taken from me. The only person that ever really mattered...gone. I'll never forget the image of her lying on the ground, bleeding to death and helpless. My life changed forever that day. A hard lesson in how the world works. Nothing is permanent. Everything you have can be taken away in a fleeting moment. Wish I had known that seven years ago. Maybe then I would have said all those things I had wanted to say.

Like goodbye.

I suppose it's too late now. You can't change the past. Unless of course, there happens to be some metahuman out there than can time travel. I don't think I'm quite that lucky though. No, now all I can do is remember her, and try to be the person that she would have wanted me to be.

I hope that includes being a Bartender and Crimefighter Extraordinaire.

It's hard not to feel alone these days, and though it's really selfish to say, I'm glad that I have a family that can relate.

Barbara's got her scars and demons too. She's even got the wheeled cage to prove it. I suppose she's gotten used to it by now...but every once and awhile I can see her staring out the window lost in an old memory of her glory days. I don't think I could have done it myself.....losing the ability to walk and still fighting crime. I know it certainly was an uphill struggle at first. When I first moved in with her there were a lot of tense moments where I think we both thought we were going to crack.

Thankfully we have Alfred, Super Glue of the Clocktower.

He held us together through Barbara's physical therapy and depression, along with my violent mood swings. Without him, we really might not have made it to where we are today.

At least I can thank my father for one thing I suppose.

It wasn't just the bitter reality of her situation that had her so broken. Just like me, it was the nightmares. Your life's horrors on instant replay, every night. There were a lot of nights when Barbara could be found red eyed and on the balcony at four in the morning. Me too, for that matter.

Eventually things smoothed over though. We both found purpose in fighting crime. For Barbara, it let her know that she could still be useful. Even a shattered spine couldn't hold back the Batgirl that she still was inside. For me, it helped me learn that even though I couldn't stop my Mom from being killed, I could stop others. Keep others from going through the same hell that I did.

Unfortunately, it didn't help Dinah.

When she first arrived, we all thought she was just an over enthusiastic and delusional meta that had probably seen too many superhero movies. Just the way she said "I wanna join!" practically screamed "Hi, I'm pathetic".

How wrong we were.

We didn't hear the underlying desperation. The need for people who could understand, and accept her for who she was. How could we have known the dark secrets she had? I had never seen someone that could go through so much pain, only to still be smiling at the end of the day. I'm glad Barbara didn't listen to me when I told her not to let her stay.

After the Black Canary died, it was like a blast from the past...only watching from the outside. I know Dinah feels guilty for not being able to save her. She shouldn't, but I know exactly how she feels. She may have not have known her Mom as well as I knew mine, but it still hurts just as bad...maybe worse. At least I have my memories, but she has almost nothing. But she's dealing with it. Fighting her demons every day. just like we all do.

Some days are worse than others and it feels like the demons are threatening to take over.

Thankfully, we've got each other to fall back on to remind us that we don't have to fight them all alone.

And who knows, one of these days we just might conquer those demons.


End file.
